Growing Up With Narcissistic Parents
Did you grow up with a narcissistic parent? A fantastic book entitled Children of The Self Absorbed: A Grown-Ups Guide to Getting Over Narcissistic Parents has the following description of what it was like for adult children of narcissists:
It’s all about you, and you make sure of that. Your wants, needs, and demands are always the main focus. Everything must be done your way, or it’s not acceptable. You never stop to consider that others have rights too. In your eyes, you know what is best and are always right, and I have to fall in line or incur your wrath, displeasure, and disappointment.
You are completely self-serving. You use every situation to fulfill your needs you are blind to others’ needs, deaf to their emotions, and expert at manipulation. You work hard to trigger my guilt, sadness, rage, and shame, and to make sure that I am exactly what you want me to be. You constantly berate, blame, and criticize me, and I am always miserable around you.
I want to please you, but I never seem to be able to. You are like a hurricane. I know you are coming so I prepare for the damage you can do, but my preparations are in vain. After you leave, I am left with the residual emotions to clean up, while you move on not knowing or caring about the destruction you cause to me or to anyone else.
How I long for some sign that you like and love me, but in all my years with you, I’ve never felt this, and this lack affects me deeply. As I was growing up, you ever showed any understanding of what I was feeling, and when I tried to make you understand, you either ignored or minimized my feelings or became angry and said that I was ungrateful or disrespectful for criticizing you.
Now that I am an adult, I find that I still long for your love. I know that you cannot be different, but that doesn’t take away the yearning for a more satisfying and loving relationship.
Obviously, there are a number of therapeutic issues that arise from having had a parent with narcissism, including the realization that it was not your fault, and grieving the loss of the love, acceptance, and approval you needed but did not get. There are also implications for healing and moving on so that these issues don’t continue to affect your self-worth and your present-day relationships.
If you live in the Baton Rouge Area, and would like to enter counseling, please call Baton Rouge Counseling at (225) 293-2913. If you need relationship counseling, check out our Marriage Counseling Baton Rouge LA.
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